Dump Alpha

The premise of the blog is to dump out my mind's thoughts whenever it gets too crowded, which is why all the posts will be called "Dumps". They will be followed by certain words that start with A, B, C in that order until I finish the alphabet. For those wondering, its good not to make too many dumps in rapid fire succession, so I should be able to stretch the alphabet for quite a bit. Now lets begin the dump.

Now the first post will outline the format that I want to do it in.

Title (I like to foreshadow my method of speaking with this, usually I'll read a book or watch a good movie and I can reproduce what my own view of the tone used in my writing. Thus, the title may be a name of a movie, book, or character. This time I want to be myself if such a thing exists, but its possible to add multiple characters if your going to go off on all of them): Sid Sharma

Begin Time (This was the time I began writing so I can look back and see how long it took exactly, good for measuring the dump size): 2/21/2010 at 2:22 PM

Mood (Not necessary, I like to signify it with weather conditions. This one signifies I am calm, with a tone of sadness/moodiness. Its good to write when your calm usually, but sometimes when your sad/mad/happy it helps to remember that feeling for better or for worse.): Balmy with a chance of clouds

Purpose (Now this is just for fun, I won't take it seriously): To take a massive mind dump, explain to myself why I'm doing this, waste some time, and enjoy it!

Random Letter Configuration (Just whatever comes to your mind, type as it comes to your mind and stop when your mind takes a break. There is no limit to what it can be so as to not limit your mind to fit the parameter or challenge yourself to beat it. Let your mind do it, it can be 5 quadrillion words, a 5 quadrillion character word, using any character on the keyboard. Just anything if you get the point. Might want to take a breather before starting to black your the mind first. Make it really black!): HFTCGACEWX

Music (This is just to let people know what you are listening to while you are writing this in case it somehow influences your writing, I'd prefer if you can list out all the songs or make a playlist of all the songs you've listened to online such as my example): My Playlist

Habits of Writing (This is just to let people know of any writing quirks/shorthands you use to display something as in my example. It just helps to keep the writing on a level that people can understand as long as they know English and have read English books before. Include all shorthand expressions or shortenings of words that you use):
- ** means that the phrase is an action I take while writing, just so that you can see what I do while I'm writing and if a break in writing influences what I say next. any break longer than about two minutes should be included as mind dumps should be rapid writings without writers block ensuing. If you get a writers block that might just mean your done with dumping, but if you remember you have more to write/dump, then just include the break.

Disclaimer: I am in no why trying to impose beliefs upon other human beings or forcing them to change their habits or mindset. I am in no way saying that I am the sole lord over all things said, this is merely an exercise of the mind and a form of free speech.



So now we begin. So I did this because I was bored and all, but also I really wanted to do this! It is spelt Neurophyschosis for a reason, not because I forgot how to spell neuropsychosis. Basically, if you want to know the meaning you will have to track me down and ask me face to face. Its not something I plan to explain over some digital interface and its not so simple that you will find the answer yourself unless you are... Ah well enough of that. I am sure most of you will try to explain it yourself and finish my last sentence with whatever your imagination comes up with.

Basically, imagination is one of the most universal tools in the world. Each creature has it in them to imagine themselves in a certain situation be it a dog trying to escape a cage to get to its owner, a chick imagining itself flying, or a human imagining a most beautiful scenario for itself to live in. *Rommates cause a disturbance-Another roommate and I team up to trap our friend in the closet-Chaos ensues* Well after that temporary break of an undetermined amount of time, I will move on in a different state of mind. That's just what happens, its very hard to keep the same shape of mind after different situations as before I was just calmly bored at my desk and now I'm hyped with energy after fighting to trap another human in a closet. No, I am not psychotic, at least not yet. But whatever I was building up in this paragraph has gone like a deflated balloon.

Anyway, a mind dump is basically just you dumping all the strange and wonderful thoughts you have had on your mind such as follows. *Begins to chew Sweet Cinnamon flavored Stride Gum*

So I was traveling on the train back home, it was a long 7 hour trip without anything, but an iPod with 60 songs of which I liked maybe half of them, but I could bear listening to the other songs once my mind stopped actually taking in what music spewed forth. It happens that after a while, you stop actually listening to the music. I am sure there are detailed explanations for this behavior. *Plugs in earphone and listens to my playlist*

Again, I was traveling on a train back home and suddenly I wished to get a super clean slate of mind. So I used some therapy techniques I learnt to dispell emotional disturbances and emotionally filled thoughts in my mind. Basically, first step was to calm the entire body. First, you concentrate on your feet and concentrate on bringing to your mind every single cell in your feet and relaxing them. Also, while you are doing this you must sit straight and have your hands on your thighs or by your side in a very relaxed state. Then, once you feel something like a cold rush or a warm feeling in your feet from relaxed thoughts, you move on to relaxing the feet up to the knee. Then, you go up to the waist. Then, to the abdomen/stomach. Then to the chest. Then, to the neck (At this point you should also do fingers to shoulder). And finally you do the face. Here you should feel very warm/cold or just feel something. Now you think about those emotional thoughts like when that bank foreclosed your house or denied you the loan, or when you found that your spouse cheated on you. Then, you clench your left or right fist of the least dominant hand and keep the other hand open to the air. Now try an picture all those emotional thoughts going into the least dominant clenched hand. Go through them one by one while placing them there or just feel the flow of emotions going. Now once you've fully exerted yourself in pushing the thoughts there, you picture your clenched hand growing bigger and bigger. Finally, when you feel you can let those thoughts go, you open your clenched hand and feel the thoughts leaving your body. Its important to think of them leaving! And do the relax body exercise a few more times and the clenched hand exercise again if you wish. Sometimes I let a few emotional thoughts disperse through the chest and to my dominant open hand. Its up to you if this works or not. You get faster at it as time goes on.

Now while I was doing this exercise something that never happened before happened. First off, I suddenly began to use the music I listened to, to help me push off into thinking of a future scenario. But it wasn't an ordinary imaginative daydream. I felt like I was a very closer observer or one of the people actually in the scenario, like I was bodily there. It might have been due to the speed of the train, my facing the other way the train was going, the music, the exercise, or whatever. But I actually had an out-of-body experience. But that was just the beginning. I was listening to Paramore's "Misery Business" song when I felt the words WRONG flash strongly and brightly in my mind, a break in the clouds happen, and an inner me shouting those same words all at once. It was in response to hear lyric "It just feels so... It just feels so Gooood". I believe the inner me felt she should have been saying WRONG or something like that. But thats besides the point. Usually I'm a very quite and reserved person and I've forever wanted to be outgoing and a people's person, but I've never had a strong run whenever I tried especially due to my past experiences when someone forced me into an inferiority complex until I finally fought back once she took away the most important times of my life. (I'll talk about that another time). Guess I let slip out is was a woman. But here I felt what it might feel to be someone who does without thinking, shouts his thoughts to the world, and is outgoing as humanely possible. For that brief millisecond I felt my life dream come true. Of course, I tried many times to recapture that same mindset to nothing that compared to that instant. I delved into many out-of-body scenarios during that train trip, but nothing that caused me to feel that same inner me, the one that felt he was ruler of the world and beyond.

But I had another revelation during those out-of-body journeys, if I can call them as such. As I came back from one, all of sudden I had a picture of this gray mist parting in my mind like sideways stalagmites separating. And there in the middle of the now partially white space in my mind I found a white flower that looked much like a closed up rose/tulip. It had a slightly curved green stem and colors in the shape of diamonds going down the stem. For some reason it was extremely calming, the likes of which have never happened before. Picturing it was an instant relaxing medicine for the mind. I even was able to picture sending a small version of it to any area of my body that started to itch and having the itch go away if it was a small itch. Here is a crude example of what I was talking about next to the paragraph. *Takes a break drawing flower and drinking some Coke*

Playing with the mind is an interesting concept. For the longest time, I had this fear that I had lost a certain something to my mind. All through my childhood and up to junior year of high school, I had a certain excitement or feeling that pertained to certain actions. Like watching cartoons added a certain something to my mood or playing Runescape gave me a certain excitement. English hasn't come up with a word yet that I know of for what I felt and what I feel I have lost so I'll call it Nous, or greek for mind. The most crude and general way to put it is that it was the mindset of the mood/emotions/excitement I left. And during this fear, I felt I lost my ability to have a Nous. Of course, I still had moods and excitement, but the Nous that I used to feel was gone. I didn't really know the existence of this Nous until junior and with a realization of the Nous, I lost the Nous. But I think I still have Nouses, but they are just weaker. I look back and see that in my first month of college, there was a Nous during that excitement. Sometimes I'll feel a nostalgic Nous come up whenever I go back in time in my mind, and try and revive the Nous of that time's mood/excitement. Its a refreshing feeling, but lasts for about a day and then its gone. Its taken me awhile to define what I lost, why I lost it, and if I can get it back. But I know that its always there, and if I stopped worrying about it'll come back strong. This will be hard, but I feel it can be done. It'd be easier to have a memory-removing machine, but life is sometimes a struggle to get back what you lost. And the best way to do that is to forget what you lost.

I am sure there is more I'd like to dump, but I can't remember what. I used to keep a diary for this, but a blog will be good in case I want to share it with someone far away. And better for safekeeping, you can't lose a webpage when your moving around.

I guess thats all. Mind dumps shouldn't be personal. Just dump the thoughts on your mind, not any emotions or daily activities that don't relate to sparking imagination or thought. Save those for diaries.

- Nous